Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Have you heard about the new movie called constipation? It hasn`t come out yet.
Nothing says "I mean business" like bringing a shopping cart to the liquor store.
Yesterday I had to screw in a light bulb . Later, I crossed a road and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.
There`s no time like the present to make a positive change in your life ... or to take a nice nap
Just once, I`d like to see an honest Facebook status, like "happy birthday to my average-looking, sort of friend, Amanda!"
I used to date this girl that worked at Hasbro, but I finally got sick of all her games.
The guest of honour was a bit subdued. The Keyboardist was playing too softly for my liking. But it was a good turnout, lots of food and laughter. But break out into one choreographed `Thriller` dance routine and the crowd goes all apesh!t and tosses you out of the funeral home.
ALERT: Missing Unicorn...if you find it, you`re probably high
Why does whoop-ass only come in a can?
Don`t you wish it was as easy to adjust the brightness level on people as it is on your phone?
Why does using a straw make it so much harder to admit there’s no more soda?
If you feel like you’re about to punch someone, take a deep breath. Then exhale as you punch to get more power.
If you cannot FACE your problem, then the problem is your FACE.
I love how my calendar assumes when I add a 8:00 event, it`s AM. Google thinks I`ve got my life together.
"Wow! That Lean Cuisine really filled me up!" ... said no one, ever.