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eBay sellers - just because you`ve dug your suit/dress out of the back of your wardrobe doesn`t make it vintage. #JustOldAndSmelly
My favorite Facebook photo of your baby is easily #28,614
Night people could take over the world if we weren’t so busy finding something good on TV.
Thank you Super Bowl for reminding all Americans how bad we really are at understanding Roman numerals
It may look like I`m doing nothing, but I`m actively waiting for my problems to go away.
From what I can gather, men hit their sexual peak around age 18. And women hit theirs as soon as the divorce is final.
I realized I eat too much fast food so I decided I would start cooking for myself. Does anyone here know how to "mcnugget" a chicken?
When I was your age, we had to walk ten miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
Every time I do laundry I throw one sock in the garbage, because I lose sh*t on my own terms.
I`ve been working on losing weight, I was doing Jenny Craig for awhile........till her husband found out (<>..<>)
Based on commercials, every single car has won car of the year.
My son said he went potty and I asked if it was number one or number two. He said number 7,,, and now I`m terrified to go into the bathroom.
The number of things that are *NOT* rocket science is staggering.
Every family has a plastic bag full of plastic bags.
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, “try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal”