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Woah.. the room is spinning.. I knew the world revolved around me.. ;)
Halloween is the perfect time to redistribute those undesired condiment packets of ketchup, mustard, BBQ & soy sauce.
The weekend is just a bittersweet memory.... I won`t cry because it`s over, I`ll smile because for a few miles they believed I was the real bus driver.
To understand paranoid people better, follow them around. Observe them. Write down notes.
I keep my TV volume at "screw the neighbors".
4/20? More like 1/5. Stupid stoners forgot how to reduce their fractions.
is confused. Oh wait, maybe not.
Mirrors don`t lie. Lucky for you, they can`t laugh either.
Hangman was my favorite childhood learning game that promoted hanging someone for a wrong answer.
Hell hath no fury like a hungry me.
I know the light has changed twice people but I`m playing air drums until Moby Dick is over...sit back and enjoy the show please...
If you’re that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.
I`ve honestly never been more disappointed in life than when I found out that the Miami Dolphin football team was made up entirely of people
Somebody just gave me a free air guitar..... No strings attached
What`s with this `running with scissors` bullsh!t? Why would you run with scissors? Are you that excited to cut paper?