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Kids may be a gift, but I like playing with the box it came in.
I gauge a person’s wealth by the level of protection on their iPhone. No case, huge salary.
u smile i smile u laugh i laugh u cry i`ll go get a bat and say who`s gonna get it
I just sprayed Citrus Fabreeze in my bathroom... Now it smells like Sh*trus
If Olympic drinking was an event I would probably take gold in the floor routine.
Your a$$ must be jealous everytime sh*t comes out of your mouth.
If you love someone, let them go, if they don`t come back..... Set them on fire *evil grin*
This year rather than candy for your valentine why not liquor instead.
I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my mind and my temper
Do you have to water a Pointsettia or do they die on their own?
Another funny thing about this status is when you finally realize that it talks about nothing? its all ready too late to stop reading. lol
It usually only takes about five minutes into any conversation I’m having before people start shaking their head and quoting the bible.
Do you women realize how silly you all look with your clothes on?
A woman just dropped a 20 dollar bill next to me. I thought, `What would Jesus do?`, so I turned it into wine ... Well, I bought wine.
Went to Walmart yesterday and bought me a new toilet brush, I think I am gonna go back to using paper, it is much more gentle on the netherlands........