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Hey I just met you... And this is Crazy... But this is a nice restaurant... So, Silence your baby!
Health tip: There`s never a `safe` time to shake a teenage boy`s hand. Never.
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you`re signing a cast.
I took a poll recently, and 100% of strippers were angry they had nothing to dance on.
If I didn`t procrastinate, I probably wouldn`t do anything at all.
When all else fails… Pizza & Beer.
You know it`s way past your bed time when the 1-800-dial-a-hoe commercials come on.
There just isn`t enough make-up in this world to cover up crazy.
Best grilled cheese ever!! All I did was add a hamburger patty.
Car next to me in the liquor store parking lot has a family sticker. She has seven kids! ... I better get in there quick! She`s gonna buy it all.
"My name will live forever!" - Anonymous.
If you insist on sending me pics of your boobs please at least be a female!!
Why is it called a menstrual calendar and not a flow chart?
If you reach your hand into a woman`s purse, it crosses into a parallel universe containing everything but the one thing you`re looking for.
I am woman, hear me say the opposite of what I mean in that tone that means you`d better do what I meant and not what I said.