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Whoever is in charge of making sure I don´t do dumb stuff is fired.
I read an article the other day that said, "if you drink every day you are an alcoholic." Thank god I only drink at night.
“Too much milk left need more cereal” always leads to “too much cereal need more milk”
Fact: No woman has ever shot a man while he is doing the dishes!
You know you had a good night when your first call the next morning is from the bank making sure your card wasn’t stolen.
After opening this month`s electric bill, I am no longer scared of the dark.
It’s pretty scary that before facebook… All these thoughts and stuff just stayed in peoples heads.
I decided I really need to read more. I watch way to much TV ... So I turned on the subtitles.
Libraries were a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn`t be allowed to talk
If you people knew how expensive, time consuming and hard this stalking stuff is you wouldn`t freak out every time you see me in your bushes.....geesh
Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they`d lock us up?
I`d rather SH!T in my hands and clap!
My Wife asked, "Would you like a romantic interlude?" I said, "Does a bear crap in the woods?". Wish I`d just said `Yes`, she`s been on Google ever since.
I prefer a slowie not a quickie.
This bottle of beer is not only delicious,,,, It also contains almost 10% of my daily requirement of beer...