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i spend 800% off my life exaggerating
If you can`t think of a word, say "I forget the English word for it". That way people will think you`re bilingual instead of an idiot.
I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge.
I will never understand why my fridge has a drawing of a carrot on the beer drawer.
"Who`s this clown?" - every guy about every other guy who is in a photo with a girl we like
Work is the result of failing to procrastinate effectively.
I am pretty sure dry cleaning is a scam where they just laugh and rub money on your clothes then hang them back up in a plastic bag.
"I`d hit that!" -Helpful blackjack dealer
I was being taught to use some machinery today, and I was quizzed as to the rules of it`s use. When asked what the first rule is I responded, "You do not talk about Fight Club."
The only man worth waiting for is the delivery guy
If it`s the thought that counts ... Then I should probably be in jail
Whenever I hear about a man jumping off a bridge I can`t help but wonder how long he was dating my ex.
Today has been cancelled, due to lack of interest.
I wish I could pick which brain cells the alcohol kills....There`s ALOT of crap I wish I could forget about.....
Newton`s third law of emotion. For every male action there is a female overreaction.