Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Wow!!! Thank you guy on Facebook I went to high school with and haven`t spoken to in 14 years, you really changed my mind about this upcoming election....
God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I can not change.
I don´t like to think of myself as "Special"... I think I would call me a limited edition.
Basically the way it works is I tell myself I`m not going to eat too much and then I eat too much.
If it looks like a pig and walks like a pig, do me a favor & tell my ex girlfriend I said hello.
Nobody on television curses more than the Roadrunner.
why would i ever pay to go to a nascar event when i could get drunk beside the interstate and cheer for cars for free
Things you need to know about me: 1- I`m lazy 2- hmm, one is enough
I hate mosquitoes, I mean I know I’m delicious but damn.
I`m surprised people still ask me if I want to hold their baby given the number of times I`ve dropped and shattered my phone
The most frustrating thing about watching Nascar is that they never signal
"It`s not you, it`s me." -Twins looking at some family photos.
A police officer came up to me yesterday and asked , "Where were you between four and six?" I said, "kindergarten".
I just spent a lot of time trying to form a thought when it would`ve been easier to just say, "F*ck it."
Thanks to the words “dude”, “bro”, and “man”, I haven’t said my best friends name in 10 years.