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Women, if you want to strike a bit of fear into your man, just smile really big and ask him, "Notice anything different?"
This is my Facebook status. There are many like it but this one is mine.
I might enjoy work more if at the end of the day I could slide down the back of a brontosaurus directly into my car.
Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your house. Those bastads live forever.
Looking back.. I think I preferred you when I didn`t know you...
I don`t know, guys. The whole "play dead when a bear attacks" thing sounds suspiciously like something the bears would come up with...
Has marriage been on Mythbusters yet?
If your cup is only half full, you probably need a smaller bra.
Cashier: Would you like your milk in a bag? Me: No, let`s just keep it in the carton, ok?
I`m not a mechanic so I don`t know why, but my car seems to make a screaming noise whenever I run over people.
Marriage. The world`s oldest form of identity theft.
Cookies and porn are always better when they`re homemade!
Sorry a remote fell out when you took off my bra
If the Sahara Desert had a motto it would be "Long time, no sea."
You think you have a tough job? I clean the windows on automatic doors.