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I`m pretty sure whoever coined the phrase " rise and shine", doesn`t do it anymore.
OMG ... I hate waiting in lines ... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
Once your pants catch fire, the fact that you`re lying becomes less important.
A "long story" is just a short story that no one wants to tell.
If you really think about it, "Nightlife" is just a fancy word for drinking alcohol at a place that isn`t your house.
I just read the words "untimely death" and thought, "Man, I hope my death is timely."
I like to test the waters by pushing people in.
Any time you feel lonely, remember, its your fault nobody likes you.
Dear God, I´ve been very good today, no grumpy thoughts, no swearing and I haven´t been mean at all, but I´m about to get up now and I may need your help :)
Do you think we like to sing in the shower because we all love a good soap opera?
Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?
"User Friendly" is just another way of saying stupid.......
No matter how hard I try, I just never seem to run out of bad ideas.
Wife really liked the "sex anytime, anywhere" coupon I gave her. Probably should have specified "with me"
Note to Self: These Note to Selves don’t work.