Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why are people sad when potatoes can be cooked in like 200 ways?
If you want your wife or girlfriend to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Change is always hard.... Especially when a jar of it falls on your head.
"I don`t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with others` lives sounds fun!" - How I got out of jury duty
I wonder if people without dogs actually pick food off the floor?
If I was Neil Armstrong landing on the moon, "That`s one small step for man," would have been, "Screw you every girl who ever shot me down!"
You’re probably naked under all those clothes. You slut.
I can`t believe The Stones are still doing it after all these years. Someday I want to have a marriage like Fred and Wilma.
Two of the most honest people in the world; drunk people and little kids
I watched my first porn movie today. I looked so much younger back then...
Everyone`s self worth should only be measured by how useful they would be in the zombie apocalypse.
If each day is a gift, I wonder where I can return monday.
How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Glue a piece of toast to the ceiling
I would know if I was insane, the voices would tell me.
"in other news… it turns out being mayor of Toronto is all that its cracked up to be" - George T. Ignace