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Texting "Good Morning, Beautiful" will change a girl`s whole day. If you time it right, it will do the same for her boyfriend.
The phrase, “Don’t take this the wrong way” has a zero percent success rate.
You`re never too old to learn something stupid.
Strangers are like birds. If you run at them screaming and waving your arms they will run away.
You are on the list of the many things I would do for a Klondike bar.
Please come see my theatrical dramatization of the history of puns ... It`s a play on words.
When I win the lottery, the first thing I`m going to buy is a pot to piss in. I`ve always wanted one of those.
Remember the good ole days when we had to get out of bed to use the Internet.
Ironing boards are just surf boards that gave up their dreams and got real jobs.
Like a glow stick, sometimes we have to break before we shine.
If you wake up with a funny taste in your mouth on christmas morning...............just remember that santa only cums once a year. :D
No one your age has any idea what they`re doing either. No matter what age you are.
In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Merry Christmas you guys.
Some tattoo artists need to just say, "no, I`m not doing this sh!t."
Saw a chameleon today, so I`m assuming it wasn`t a very good one.