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I joined weight watchers last month, so far I lost 38 dollars...
I hate crickets in my house.....except for the one I just killed. He seems ok.
sometimes i look at people and think really, thats the sperm that won.
What`s the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller" ?
People with multiple personalities should donate one of them to people who don’t have one.
To show my support for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I`ll be giving free breast exams all month. Hit me up if you`re interested.
Who me? Oh I`m just waiting for my husband to apologize for something I did wrong...marriage is fun
Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts.
I`ve probably spent a solid year of my life just staring into the refrigerator
Ya .... That Supermoon was OK ..... But I was quite disappointed when I realized it didn`t even have a cape.
You ever read a status, and you`re like, `what a f*ck up` and then you realize you`re on your own page?
I now have more electronic screens in my life than friends.
Some people say I`m a dreamer, others say, “If you fall asleep at work again you`re fired"
Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid people
The point is... Is Imma hug you like a panda nd you`re gunna like it.!(: