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Never do I feel as lazy and rude as when someone else in the room is vacuuming.
They should make a medal for anyone who uses an entire tube of chapstick without losing it.
Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There’s liquor and you can’t hear them.
If I ran NASA, it would be mandatory for the ground crew to be dressed as apes when the space shuttle lands.
I didn`t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
You could give me 45 years to do homework and I still wouldn’t do it until the night before.
I wonder if there are birds that prefer not to sing in the morning and that just roll around in their nests until noon.
Haters gunna hate,potatoes gunna patate!!
Hooray ! My face book film has been nominated for an Academy Award
TRUE FRIENDSHIP: Walking into a persons house and your wifi connects automatically.
Even if you don`t pay, they`ll usually let you go through a car wash at least once a day without a car.
Don`t you wish it was as easy to adjust the brightness level on people as it is on your phone?
Tieam... problem solved
If you’re so much better than the leading brand then why are you not the leading brand?
People who go to the store and buy the single roll of toilet paper must not have an optimistic view of their life expectancy.