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You`re only limited by your own imagination! And money. And talent. And genetics. And time. And other people. Go for it!
Opposites attract, that’s the trouble with being awesome.
I once tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck up my nose.
I just saw someone by themselves not looking at a phone. Hope they`re ok.
Whenever I`m on the phone with someone I like to scream "WAIT DON`T HANG UP" right as they`re hanging up & then not answer when they call back.
My wife gives me the speaking treatment.
All the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting up in my truck.
Candy canes are the perfect treat. They are minty & put you into the holiday spirit & can easily be fashioned into a shank.
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What`s on TV?" I said, "Dust." And then the fight started...
To understand paranoid people better, follow them around. Observe them. Write down notes.
I don`t have to run faster than the lion. I just have to run faster than you.
I do my best proofreading after I hit send.
I`m the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember: I know how to hide a dead body.
I just want to be famous enough to have a Wikipedia page full of misinformation about me.
Thanks to the presence of fools, wise people stand out.