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Just once I`d like to yell, "Don`t you know who I am?!" because I`m important, not because I`m drunk and actually forgot.
If its so great outside why do bugs try to get in my f*cking house?
Dear Mom, If all my friends jumped off a cliff, it`s because it was my idea. Sincerely, Your child is a leader, not a follower.
I may have let you down, but it`s your fault for having such high hopes.
I think I like mornings best when they start in the afternoon.
If you have trouble getting your children`s attention, just sit down and look comfortable.
Hating people takes too much energy. I just pretend they`re dead
People who live in bouncy castles shouldn’t throw darts.
I think the Worst Part about admitting you are an Alcoholic ..is People expect you to Quit Drinking.
If I notice an unfinished jigsaw puzzle at some`s house, I always take a piece home with me.
I wish I was full of tacos instead of feelings.
People at airports must not workout much because they are all using these treadmills wrong...
I didn’t get the job… heading home.. Good Bye Rome.. until we meet again.
I have no idea what swag is, but I`m fairly certain what I have is the opposite of whatever it is.
I don`t own a thesaurus, is `cock meat` a synonym for `fried chicken`?