Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My resolution last year was to learn Spanish, and that only lasted about dos weekos.
Nothing is more dangerous than a woman “gathering her thoughts”.
Had a blast doing my Black Friday tradition!!!! I slept!
If I had a nickel for everytime I told myself I`d quit smoking, I could buy a lot more cigarettes
I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.
The speed in which a woman says “nothing” when asked “what’s wrong” is inversely proportional to the severity of the sh!tstorm that’s coming.
So you constantly feel sorry for yourself and feel the need to tell everyone all about it. I can’t imagine why he left you.
I`d do anything to lose 20lbs. Well, except for eating healthy or working out.
He won`t let me complain to the neighbors, so I renamed the WiFi to `SHUT YOUR DOG UP, D!CKS`
Today I learned that not all people like ventriloquists. Particularly my gynecologist.
Accept the craziness. Life will be a bore without it.
It really pisses me off when I plan a conversation in my head and the other person doesn’t follow the damn script.
Pizza will never tell you you`re fat unless you`re high as sh!t, then pizza is probably suggesting you fight an aardvark to lose weight.
Bands who can`t afford a smoke machine should hire my girlfriend to cook at their concert
You know you are in the hood when your portable GPS says “Drive faster and put me under the seat.”