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I`ve always wondered how the job application process at Hooters works. Do they give you a bra and orange shorts and say, "Here, can you fill these both out"?
It is amazing how a nice pair of boobs can hide serious flaws and signs of mental illness until after you marry them!
Note to self... next time my wife asks what`s on tv, don`t say dust
Great. Trapped in an elevator with a dead body again. Well not exactly dead yet but he`s making noises with his gum
I`m now at the age where if I see a nice nursing home, I make a mental note of it.
John has 35 candy bars. If John eats 27 of them what does he have? .... Diabetes. John has diabetes.
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer
One advantage of growing old is you don`t have to worry about hackers stealing your nude pics out of the cloud.
When people say "To be honest...", it means that up to that point they`ve been lying.
It may appear like I`m doing nothing, but i`m actively waiting for my problems to go away!!!
I like it here because not only do I get to air out my dirty laundry, I get to see yours too.
Helping my kid study for her geology exam, and apparently `hard` `classic` and `punk` are not the 3 different types of rock.
I want to live in a world where the Food Network delivers.
I miss the good old days..when you could slam the phone down.!!
The squirrels must be gathering nuts. Three of my neighbors have disappeared.