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I feel bad for kids nowadays who can`t get the toys they want because their parents have to be 18 or older to call.
How did human beings express empathy before the phrase "that sucks" was coined?
On a scale of Doopers, you`re pretty Super.
I have a fold up treadmill under my fold up bed, so by the time I get the treadmill set up, I`m like "That`s enough exercise for today"
Sorry, I can`t today ... My sister`s friend`s mother`s grandpa`s brother`s grandson`s cousin`s uncle`s fish died. Yes, it was tragic.
Thesaurus for sale, brand new, current, modern, original, unused, untapped, fresh, pristine, untouched, mint condition, spotless, untried...
Drinking always starts out as the best idea you’ve ever had.
It takes patience to listen, it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
Facebook account for sale, Friends included...
I just ate a Cheeto that melted perfectly in my mouth! It was Awesome! ....Until I realised that was the highlight of my day.
The lottery gives you a 1 in 20 billion chance you won`t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I`ll play mine.
Maybe if I tilt my head to the side I can understand English – dogs
What did the crop say to the farmer? Stop picking on me
I hope my liquor store is having an after Christmas sale!!
I really have to stop using this little microphone on my phone that types whatever you say as it keeps making mistakes punctuation point