Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Ideal roommate: Someone not smart enough to know they are paying 80% of the rent.
Holy crap! I just realized that I´m still it from a game of tag in 1987.
I would eat a lot more healthy food if it required no preparation or stayed fresh as long as junk food.
I don`t get why he counts the beer before he leaves to work... There`s never any left when he comes home.
Sarcasm: just one of the many services I offer ;)
How come phones only get lost when they are on silent?
The guy blaring the self help CD at the red light in the rusted car with no bumpers wasn`t amused when I said, "I don`t think it`s working"
Happy Fourth of July!! Or as the rest of the world likes to call it, Friday.
I hope I’m the last guy on earth — I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
Live For Today… Plan For Tomorrow… Party Tonight!
The problem with money is that too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.
If you`re looking for happiness, walk to your nearest liquor store.
If there`s anything I`ve learned in my 27 years, it`s to never admit your real age.
If you play my workday backwards, it`s actually a nice story about idiots getting less and less annoying.
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever.