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Dear guys: Women don`t want pictures of your d!ck. Maybe try sending a screenshot of your bank statement and see where things go.
My therapist cries "Why me?" for the full hour.
My therapist told me today that I need to stop talking to inanimate objects, but I mean he`s just a lamp so what does he really know anyway
Getting back with your ex is like taking a shower and putting back on your dirty underwear.
My greatest fear is that PMS is fake and this is my real personality.
Stress balls work best when you shove them down somebody`s throat.
You`re telling me, a chicken fried this rice
I have a lot on my plate right now. Not busy, just hungry.
Twinkle twinkle little star, I want to hit you with my car.
I always read my girlfriend’s horoscope to see what kind of day I`m going to have.
If you put a "Student Driver" sign on top of your car, Nobody will ever suspect you of drunk driving.
Grabbed Pizza Roll. Thought "my god that is so hot it`s burning my fingers" and immediately popped it in my mouth ... I`m a goddamn genius.
Join us in calling for a total ban of people. They are extremely dangerous. If you know any people, report them at once to the authorities.
No cowboy in the world can out draw a grandmother pulling a baby picture out of her wallet.
I wonder how the Never-ending story is doing.