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I can not be held responsible for what my face does when you talk.
I neither like nor want to date Taylor Swift, but I know at some point it’ll just be my turn.
Based on how many times I`ve dropped my phone, I`m gonna hold off on the whole baby thing.
Don’t underestimate my ability to be hungry.
Remember ladies, if on your 10th selfie you don’t have the perfect one to post you’re really just ugly.
Turns out people who say they love hot sauce on anything are liars. In other news, I`ve recently been banned from making the classroom coffee.
Show him you care by setting his house on fire so he will have to move in with you and never be lonely again.
Damn you auto correct mind your business.
I saw something that reminded me of you.. so I flushed the toilet and washed my hands(:
If you smell Axe body spray on your lawyer,, you`re going to jail.
Twerking is the crocs of dancing.
Lets just skip the fight and go right to the make-up sex.
I hate fake people...especially the ones at the mall advertising clothes in front of the stores
Would buy you a drink but I would be jealous of the glass.
I can`t figure out why everyone calls me a smart-ass. Is it because I`m smart and have a great ass?