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Before I get busy doing nothing, I am taking a 20 minute break.
When I`m on my death bed, I want my last words to be...."I left 10 million dollars in the..........."
Hit me with your pet shark #RuinAn80sSong
Secret Admirers are just stalkers with good PR.
How can it be considered stealing when the WiFi signal is trespassing in my house?
I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like "Dude, you have to wait."
There are people in life you could NEVER get tired of hitting with a shovel!!!
Don’t run with scissors — unless you’re stealing scissors, of course. If so, run. Run like the wind scissor thief!
I sooo did not want to go on a run today but those cops came out of nowhere.
I don`t even think it`s possible for a bear to cook porridge.
Just because you`re not paranoid doesn`t mean they`re not out to get you.
I wonder how the Never-ending story is doing.
I dont hate you but, if you put `just about to jump off a cliff` as your facebook statuses i would poke you
My friend bought some new floral underwear today. I asked her why she bought `floral` underwear to which she replied "its in memory of all the faces that have been buried there".
I bet guys that work at strip clubs are "hard" workers...