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I carved my name in a fruitcake in 1982. If anyone gets it this year, post a pic!
I hate when I accidentally say "I love you" instead of "I`m biologically driven to want to reproduce with you and I`m temporarily delusional."
I`m "oh my god, gag me with a spoon" years old.
It`s impossible to look cool while holding onto a leash attached to a dog who is taking a crap.
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you.
Some of you are so dumb, I don`t even know how you found the internet.
At this point in my life the only reason I want to be rich is to hire somebody to clean my house.
Watching movies alone sucks. There´s no one to ask, "What did he just say? Who is that guy?"
Do you ever just sit there and think “why am I not rich”?
I guess “Trying to be” isn’t really the answer the doctor was looking for when he asked if I was sexually active.
Don`t bother trying to figure me out...not even the little voices in my head understand me...it`s pointless.
Sorry for nicking your car with my door, but you didn`t leave much room. It`s small, but I circled it with my key so you could find it.
How do you get in touch with the models in the pictures that come with the frame? I have an out of control, elaborate lie I need help with.
Why must I prove I`m me, if I`m callin to pay my bill. Do strangers call to pay my bills? If they do, then let them, you idiots!
Thursday doesn`t even count as a day, it`s just the thing that`s blocking friday.