Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Hey parents with teenagers, the bottle of vodka in your liquor cabinet is water.
Cop: This is a ticket for drunk and disorderly behavior. Me: Can I have another? I`d love to bring a guest.
Doctor: Do you drink alcohol? Me: Why? What`ve you got?
I love therapy sessions because I get to cry for an hour. It usually freaks out my patient, though.
In my defense, I was left un-supervised...
Why was the cat in the bag in the first place?
If you piss off a girl, just play dead. That sh!t works with bears and they`re just as dangerous as angry women.
The wet spot in my bed is tears
Marriage. The world`s oldest form of identity theft.
I was going to change my profile pic to a pumpkin for Halloween, but it didn`t look that much different from my actual head.
You`re the type of person who didn`t rewind the Blockbuster VHS...
Benefits of hooking up with me: You will be hooking up with me. I could go on but I think I made my point.
Today I heard a guy on the street say, `It`s chowder season, baby!` so I pushed him in front of a bus because those are awesome last words
Im still waiting for Anheuser-Bush to name a beer "responsibly" so i can drink it!
One man`s LOL is another man`s WTF