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I`m getting a mistletoe tramp stamp.
You can tell how a persons life is going by how they press the crosswalk button.
Every time I walk into a singles bar, I can hear Mom`s wise words: "Don`t pick that up!! You don`t know where it`s been!!"
I`m not saying your house is haunted, but I think a ghost just ate all of your Gummy Bears while you were in the bathroom.
I`d take Cap`n Crunch more seriously if his eyebrows weren`t on his hat.
Sorry I said "What is it?" when you showed me your baby.
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as the Kraft Singles?
Sorry ladies, but I already got my eyes on a woman who`s not interested.
This woman just flipped me off and I couldn`t agree more.
Iām planning on ringing the new year in with a kiss ... whether my dog likes it or not.
While it was raining today, I thought for fun I would run out there and scream "I`m melting I`m melting!"
Just scraped 3 inches of "Mostly Cloudy" off my car.
The point is... Is Imma hug you like a panda nd you`re gunna like it.!(:
People who really love their jobs are annoying. Keep that sh!t to yourself.
I`d like to thank the person who looked at a buzzing Bee-hive and thought: "Those ba$tards are hiding something delicious in there I know it."