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How to win an argument. 1. Have a vagina. 2. That’s it. 3. You win. 4. Congratulations.
I think before we vote we should get the politicians drunk. That way they would speak what`s REALLY on their minds.
How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
Salad tastes pretty good once you add some pizza and get rid of the salad.
Tonight I plan on drinking until I`m someone else`s problem
I socially identify as the guy who tried to jump off of the sinking Titanic but ending up hitting a massive propeller on the way down.
Parallel lines have so much in common, it`s a shame they`ll never meet
You know what`s really great about being a narcissist? Me.
Sad Fact- Boobie traps seldom involve boobies.
Pokémon means a totally different thing if your stuck in a Jamaican prison.
If there is enough room to spell `bootylicious` on the back of your shorts...it probably isn`t
If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, nobody else wanted them either :)
Apparently, "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed.
If you heard twenty minutes of moaning from my bedroom that was just me trying to stand up.
If you take bites out of string cheese rather than rip strings off , you don’t f*cking deserve string cheese.