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This debt collector was just so surprised I answered my phone that they stuttered and hung-up lmao!!
Remember the bridge you drive over today was built by the lowest bidder.
My 83 year old neighbor got pulled over for speeding. She told the cop she had to hurry before she forgot where she was going.
Picking and choosing who to say happy birthday to since 2006, thanks Facebook!
If the conversation gets too serious and uncomfortable, take your pants off.
Women are like squirrels, very cute from a distance but will fight like hell when you try to pick them up and get them in your car.
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day............ Palm Sunday is just around the corner
If you’ve never pretended a Cheeto is a tiny caveman club, we can’t be friends.
The guy who invented, "Take Your Child To Work Day," probably forgot to drop his kid off at school on his way to work..
When I was a kid... No wait. I still do that.
All those years of getting horrible elementary school pictures was just society`s way of preparing you for your driver`s license photo.
Whew, good thing there`s a facebook petition for ending the shutdown, or else we`d be in real trouble.
When you`re a kid, dick jokes are considered adult content, but when you`re an adult, they`re considered immature.
I haven`t owned a watch for I don`t know how long.
Now that cell phones are becoming more and more waterproof, pretty soon it will be okay to push people into pools again...