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therapy is expensive...vodka is not. need I say more....
After 20 years of marriage, my wife still makes me smile. At least for the pictures...
A broken clock is right twice a day. I guess what I am saying is, that a broken clock is right more than you.
Tip to get out of jury duty: Begin every answer with “According to the prophecy.”
My girlfriend says I shouldn`t plan things so far in advance. Well, she`s not my girlfriend yet.
I`m glad I know sign language. It`s pretty handy.
You don`t know laziness until you rob a bank & choose to wait for the amount you stole to be announced on news rather than count it yourself
It isn`t a successful BBQ until some drunken idiot walks face first into a closed sliding glass door. I`m fine by the way.
Here`s a crazy concept, maybe I`m not in a bad mood, angry, or a bitch. Maybe I said it because it`s true and I meant it. Marinate on that.
There are days when everything goes perfectly. . I wonder what those are like?
How do you spot a blind man at a nude beach? It`s not hard.
Hey guy in the car behind me... Honking your horn isn`t going to help me type any faster.
CANT TOUCH THIS!! Na na na na.
Being in hot water isn`t so bad if you throw in some bubbles and a glass of champagne.
I`m on my 5th coffee, just in case you`re wondering about the "other way" to get to Narnia .