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Sometimes I don`t go big just so I can go home.
In post apocalyptic movies everyone wears leather ... but there are no cows.
Its that time of year to find out what your friends with pools have been up to since last year.
I don’t trust joggers, it’s a little too convenient that they are always the ones to discover dead bodies.
I`d like to give a big shout-out to all my hard of hearing friends!
Does the 5 second rule apply to soup? Please answer quickly!
If I learned anything from my children, it`s that it is always OK to do something stupid, as long as someone DARED you to do it.
I was planning to do something today, but I haven’t finished doing nothing from yesterday.
Just because someone`s richer or more famous or talented doesn`t mean they`re happy. It just means they`re happier than YOU.
I`m surprised kids haven`t found a way to trick or treat online yet
Happy Birthday to someone I would donate some non-essential organs to, and the fact that a Facebook reminder told me it was your birthday doesn´t make it any less special. Plus I live so far away that your birthday requires almost no effort on my part. And sorry I tried to kill you all those times when we were
I have to be funny because being hot is not an option.
The only honest people in the world are small children and me after a couple cocktails.
Good Morning! A fresh cup of hot coffee and my FB page is up, just look at that, I already achieved all my goals for the day.
When I`m bored, I send a text to a random number saying, " I hid the body, now what?"