Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I’m pretty busy today, so if you could just go ahead and offend yourself for me that would be great. Thanks!
Knife > gun because if I pull a knife, you don`t know what I`m gonna do. Stab you? Open a letter? Or am I gonna frost a cake? It`s a mystery
Are you thinking what I`m thinking? ... F**king pervert. I`m calling the cops.
I don’t know why Tampax and Hershey have not joined forces yet. Taping a pack of Reese’s to a box of tampons could literally save lives.
Be good to your nieces and nephews. One day you`ll need them to smuggle alcohol into your nursing home.
You know you`re old when all of the bands you listened to growing up have several greatest hits albums.
Today’s Horoscope: You’re gullible
I just found a piece of pizza in my trash can. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!! WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING!!
A word to the wise ain`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice!
Cars should come with two horns: one that’s like “Hey guys!” & another that’s like “I will end you!”
Nobody wished me a happy birthday today, which isn´t surprising really, since it isn´t my birthday.
The grass is always greener where the bodies are buried.
If the zombie apocalypse happened in Vegas…would it “stay in Vegas”?
I love Costco. You don`t go there thinking you`re gonna buy a 12-pack of watermelons but you`ll probably leave with one.
The problem with some people is that they’re alive.