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Let`s talk about how fabulous u think I am.
Hey, Dude who flips me off for honking at him in the parking lot, your groceries are on top of your car.
Okay, let’s get this straight. There’s no way everone here has the best boyfriend in the world.
Currently in the planning stages for a hangover.
There comes a time in the day, when no matter what the question, the answer is booze.
I knew I`d be a great parent. Kids aren`t nearly as difficult to take care of as my drunk friends.
Bend over and take it like a taxpayer.
If these people don’t start giving better advice, I’m no longer going to allow them in my head.
Home Alone (1990, Comedy) Two burglars attempt to murder an abandoned 8-year-old child
What`s cardio, and can I eat it?
The best part about being a pathological liar is flying my helicopter to my private island.
Apparently, saying “Wow, you’ve grown since I last saw you” isn’t deemed socially acceptable when said to adults.
"Better to be pissed off than pissed on!" Actually, I prefer a third scenario where I`m not angry or covered in piss.
In other news millions of facebook user suddenly got their law degree
Being fabulous all day makes me really, really tired