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So if one was to type ‘idiot’ into Google, would your picture come up?
While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald’s stops serving breakfast.
I hate the snow so much, I want to build a snowman just so I can punch it in its face.
I learn something new every day that I didn`t want to know.
The fact that Burger King can sell you 10 chicken nuggets for $1.49 should concern you more than it should entice you.
My best relationship advice: Make sure you`re the crazy one.
You can’t choose your family, but you can ignore their phone calls.
Why isn`t there a roomba that cuts grass? Probably some stupid law about sending a blade wielding robot out into the neighborhood.
I was going to exercise this morning, but then all the sprinkles would fall off my cupcake.
I hope Breaking Bad ends with Jesse waking up from a dream in the middle of Mr. White`s chemistry class.
Keep honking. I´m reloading.
I`m going to start tackling random guys in football jerseys saying "look how he`s dressed. He was asking for it!"
I hate it when I tell someone I`ll be there in 10 minutes, but they continue to call me every half-hour anyway
I don’t care what women say, size matters in bed. The bigger the bed the more room you have to move around.
Dear iPhone, Please stop changing my rude words into nice ones. You piece of shut.