Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The only reason I liked your post was because I was trying to clean a smudge off my screen.
I realized that at my income level "Wealth Management" really just means re-organizing the money in my wallet by denomination.
The Hulk just texted me a picture of a zucchini, I think?
If you don`t think of 50 different ways to murder your boss every morning on your drive to work you`re probably the boss
If you don’t cuss when you drive you aren’t paying enough attention to the road.
“Too much milk left need more cereal” always leads to “too much cereal need more milk”
I love how my calendar assumes when I add a 8:00 event, it’s AM. Google thinks I’ve got my life together.
My neighbour has diabetes and now she won`t make me cupcakes anymore, its like bad things always happen to me.
If I were to give up Sarcasm, that would leave interpretive dance as my only means of communication.
50 Shades of Laze - My weekend plans
Made the decision that I`m done having kids. Yet every morning I wake up and there they are asking me for breakfast.
If you can`t handle me at my worst, then that sucks because that`s all there is to me.
The best time to re-examine your life is when you find yourself reluctantly nodding to the questions asked at the start of an infomercial.
Thursday doesn`t even count as a day, it`s just the thing that`s blocking friday.
Sneezing when you pee is only recommended when you`re in a public toilet.