Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The face jewelry is getting out of hand. I saw a guy today that looked like he had done a face plant in a tackle box.
I judge how safe an area is by the number of lit letters on the Waffle House sign.
Love your neighbor ... but don`t get caught.
I hate it when people come to MY house, knock on MY door then have the nerve to ask me why I`m not wearing pants.
I was sad, because I had no shoes. Until I met a man that had no feet. So, I took his shoes, cuz hey, he wan`t using them anyway!
I have officially bought the first batch of Halloween candies that will not make it to Halloween.
Very excited to announce I`m on the market and actively looking for someone new to make me miserable
All I`m saying is you don`t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
Never call a woman crazy because she will say, āIām not crazy!ā and then go and do something crazy. Probably with matches.
My date just saved me tons of money by simply saying, "no, I don`t want to be your valentine and stop texting me!"
Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.
Inventor of camping: "Hey, let`s go pretend to be homeless."
My Retirement Plan hinges on having at least one successful kid.
I accidentally did yoga once when I couldn`t reach the toilet paper.
Keep your friends close and your enemies tied to a train track.