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IM LOST! I`ve gone to look for my self. If u see me, tell me to wait here till I get back.
There are many different ways one can save energy, but my favorite by far is this recliner.
How do amish girls know if its a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular candle lit dinner.
I’m still waiting for the episode of Storage Wars where there’s a homeless guy living in the unit.
Just tried to parallel park. 5 people are injured, 3 critical, 6 missing. The casualties continue to mount...
Maybe Mondays are not that bad. Maybe its your job that sucks balls.
All of my selfies are just still shots from surveillance footage.
My dentist said I grind at night. I was like, ok stalker.
Eleventeen percent of the population makes up words.
Smoke a joint before hitting a buffet to really get your money`s worth...Just saying.
I checked into a hotel this weekend. I told the girl I hoped the porn channel was disabled. She said "No, its just regular porn, you sicko"
When I have a yard sale I play the theme song to Sanford & Son with a boombox on my porch.
The most exercise I get from my exercise ball is when I move it around in my apartment so that it`s not in my way.
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, but the more important question is, how did they get in there in the first place?
Doing donuts in the parking lot sounds fun. Eating donuts in the parking lot sounds better.