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Here is your New Years Resolution. All of that stupid sh!t you did last year? Don’t do that crap this year. Done. You’re welcome.
Why isn`t a menu board at a coffee house called JavaScript?
I f*cking hate you. Hope that clears things up.
“Delete, Block, Ignore” Its too bad getting rid of people in life is not as easy as it is on Facebook..
Too bored to do nothing. Too lazy to do anything.
I’ve been reading a lot about how to live and eat healthier and then not doing anything with that information.
Before asking a hot chick out, I wish I could first talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
When a cop asks you, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" It is never a good idea to respond, "Because my tires look like donuts?"
I just got a paper cut opening a box of Pop Tarts. There will be no more fancy breakfasts around here.
My package finally came today. this is awesome....it means I have bubble wrap to play with
It`s hard to write a good drinking song. I can never make it past the first few bars.
I really worried about which selfie my family would put on the news if I ever went missing.
The best thing about telepathy is.. I know, right!
My penis was in the Guinness book of World Records. Then the librarian told me I had to take it out before she called security.
Donald Duck, saying screw you to pants since 1934.