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If I truly posted what was on my mind ... I´d most likely be in a psychiatric hospital right now.
I just apologized to my wife for something she did wrong. Marriage is fun.
They say you are what you eat but what happens if you didn`t mean to eat it. I don`t want to be a bug.
Being skinny might be nice, but having pizza is nicer.
Have you ever looked at someone and realized "WTF" is always what immediately comes to mind?
If you ever get a flat tire, take a picture of it on your phone so for future reference you can use it as a valid excuse.
Sometimes I feel like people I know are just using me for my likes.
My wife told me that her favorite position is when I lay very very still wearing a toe tag and she starts dating again
You`re an intellectual who doesn`t read books? I completely understand because I`m an athlete that rarely moves.
I was hooked on auctions after only going once... going twice
I wish people would stop judging me before they find out how much of an a$$hole I actually am.
I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on carpet, but only for like 20 seconds...
Pizza is like sex, when it is good it`s very good, When it`s bad...it`s still pretty good.
I wonder if New York people find it weird to watch their own city being destroyed in Hollywood movies so many times..!!
Being married is like having the freedom to do whatever your wife tells you.