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You`re the reason I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to goto work.
Sarcasm, I put that sh!t on everything
Is it polite or rude to slide a note into the bathroom stall next to you that says, "heard you farting but it`s ok you`re in the right place :)"
You guys know that there are things higher than kites, right?
Before I got married I didn`t even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge
Did you know that if you put a finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Pacman.
for some reason my plans to workout never work out
This nude beach would be great!...if I wasn`t the only one participating.
I like to pee on car windows in subzero weather, happy scraping
Bring me the heads of my enemies!! or some cupcakes ... whichever.
Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
Don`t ya wish you could hold people up to the light like a $20 bill to tell if they`re fake or real?
I love Ebay. Sold my homing pigeon 8 times last month.
Sweating is for people who do stuff.
I`ve just been watching a documentary on marijuana...... I think all documentaries should be watched this way.