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If you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
I feel ready to face the world as a responsible adult now that I`ve taken today`s gummy vitamins.
Feeling bored? Go to a clothing store and put "one size fits all" stickers on the bras.
Before I wash my socks, I just throw one in the trash.
Sometimes I order Domino`s but give them Pizza Hut`s address. And when they show up and start fighting, I just wait with my mouth open.
"Dancing with the Stars" is being canceled, but tune in to a new reality show by the same creators called, "Athletes do your Taxes."
"Nineteen letters long" is 19 letters long.
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
"Wow, you look good today!” is not a compliment if it comes with a genuinely surprised look.
My mom just sent me a friend request on Facebook! Finally I can use that "I`m not your friend I`m your mother" speech to my advantage.
I`m so out of shape, Internet Explorer could probably run faster than me.
We used to be afraid people on the internet would find us in real life. Now we`re terrified people in real life will find us on the internet
The only reason I offer to be the designated driver is so people will get used to seeing me load lifeless bodies into my car.
change your birthday on facebook to today, see how many people say happy birthday for APRIL FOOLS!!!! lol
I love watching The Simpsons. They never get old.