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It`s not everyday you find a $50 bill in your pocket, I didn`t, but like I said it`s not everyday..
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes...
Matchbooks exist just to be clues in detective movies.
Does anyone have the recipe for ice cubes? Asking for a friend.
is in no shape to exercise
Thought cartoons were getting better. Turns out it was a news story about Justin Bieber.
I’m an only child, and I’m still not the favorite.
Just joined the support group Hokey Pokey Anonymous ... A place to turn yourself around. ;)
According to the U.S. Census Bureau: 190,374 people are having sex right now, 212,130 are kissing, and 1 poor person is reading this post. You hang in there!
Your just jealous because u don`t hear the voices.
You know you are getting old when people keep telling you how young you look.
Alcohol: Because no good story starts with “So this one time I was eating a salad….”
I don`t drink to get drunk, I drink to.....no wait, I definitely drink to get drunk.
The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she`s going to get me something.
Keep your friends close and your unattractive enemies closer so you look better by comparison in pictures.