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Hey I just met you... And this is Crazy... But this is a nice restaurant... So, Silence your baby!
I bet the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial doesn`t ever ride his motorcycle on Martin Luther King Blvd in any town.
I just researched the medicinal name for Viagra..... MYCOXAPHAYLYN
I`m not sure if life is passing me by or trying to run me over.
Just drove past the house where I lost my virginity. There wasn`t even a plaque or anything. Pretty ridiculous if you ask me.
Sometimes I worry that eating pizza isn`t a real sport.
Aren`t they Middle-Age Mutant Ninja Turtles now?
I`m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering every question!!!
I’ve already decided, if I ever go to The Price Is Right, I’m gonna “come on down” whether they call my name or not.
My girlfriend asked me to send some dirty pics. So I sent her a picture of my sink full of dishes. :)
In order to get my teenagers attention I shut off the WiFi router and wait for them in the room it`s in.
The hardest part about going through a divorce is finding a hitman you can trust.
I wish that just once, the clerk would just put the Monopoly money in the drawer and hand me a receipt
A murderer was about to be put to death in the electric chair. "Do you have any last requests?" asked the chaplain. "One," he replied. "Will you hold my hand?"
The only way to communicate with a drunk person is to get hammered too.