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Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts..
You cant ask "What do you mean by that?" without sounding pissed off
I hit a new low today and used a cheat code on Wii Fit
I`m really sick and tired of food having calories...
I can`t wait for a empty Christmas wrapping paper tube to bonk someone over the head with!
How long do I have to sleep before I`m legally a bear?
keeps getting dirty voicemails from unknown numbers. If it`s you.. Send more
Is it just me, or do mirrors look really sexy?
I`m not the sort of person you should put on speakerphone.
Next time I get a bunch of, "likes," on a comment I post on someones status/photo etc.. Im gonna edit my comment and change the whole comment to, "like this status if you would f*ck your father." Just to make anyone else who reads it from then on think ill about the people who liked it. ™
When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found
Not all men cheat. Some of you women just assume you’re in a relationship with the guy.
It`s been an exhausting day of pretending I`m a pleasant person.
pharmacy was out of my BP meds...so i bought a baseball bat instead..that works much faster
Ugh, I forgot to go to the gym today. That`s 9 years in a row now...