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Nobody really owns tupperware. We are all just really borrowing it from one another.
If abortion is murder then are condoms kidnapping?
Hurricane preparedness tip: 1. Buy several kegs of beer 2. Drink beer 3. Wait for flooding 4. Drop kegs in water 5. Float to safety....
I`m only a morning person on December 25th
Why is that in girls tampon commercials they dance and laugh? Shouldn`t they be revving chainsaws and burning sh!t down?
People who don’t understand sarcasm are awesome.
I’m pretty much always down for a snack.
If the shoe fits, wear it. Unless they`re not yours. But you can still were them. It`s just a road test, after all.
Today is the first day of the rest of my Vodka.
How much is appropriate to tip the police officer who opens the squad car door for you?
A Slinky is a great way to teach young children that it`s fun to push things down the stairs.
I have my hesitations about Paradise City if the first thing you brag about is the color of the grass
Some days the problem is I care too much… Today was not one of those days…
“Latte” is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
Growing up teachers always told me there was no such thing as a stupid question. Eight years in retail has determined that was a lie.