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Jimmy is short for James? This is where I think English is stupid. They have the same number of letters. Do they even know what short means?
You can tell yourself that Sesame Street is educational but Cookie Monster has lived there for like 40 years and still can`t conjugate verbs.
I don`t hit the "Like" button on my own statuses because I am self-centered, it`s just that I amaze myself sometimes and I want to show my appreciation!!!!!!
I’d like to hang out, but that would get in the way of me being home and doing absolutely nothing.
Alcohol and calculus don’t mix… Don’t drink and derive!
30+ and single? There`s an app for that. Wait. My mistake. A cat for that.
When I`m happy, I drink and when I drink, I`m happy. Win/Win!!
Every day I struggle between “I wanna look good naked” and “treat yourself.”
I can’t find the words to express how I have nothing to say
My new girlfiend is taking forever to exist.
I am having one of those days where my middle finger answers every question.
I will never miss you, because I`m a really good shooter.
A dating site based on Netflix viewing compatibility.
I think I`m going to run for political office, so people can dig up dirt on me. I have been wanting to piece together my twenties.
Drank way too much beer last night. Didn`t leave any for this morning.