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Dear food, Either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.
I`ve found that the best web designers in the world are spiders.
20 years from now, some adults are going to say they grew up on the “bad part of town,” meaning there was no 4G in that area.
People are always much more interesting before you get to know them.
Who knew adulthood would involve so much Advil?
Salary is like a menstrual cycle, it comes once a month and is gone in five days...
Hurricanes, Fires,Tiger running loose ... Whoever is playing Jumanji needs to wrap it up
How long have I been working here? ... Ever since they threatened to fire me.
This Halloween, the only Candy I`m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
My mom likes playing this game called `yell from four rooms away and get upset when I can`t hear her`.
Sleep is for people with no internet connection.
New rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I`m guaranteed at least one attempt on trying to trip you.
No means no! Unless she`s dyslexic; then it`s on!
You`re pretty cocky for someone with such a small ... vocabulary.
So who the hell ever buys the middle grade of gasoline?