Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.
It`s been a boring day today. Not exactly Nascar boring, but awfully close.
Since there’s only one of me, does that make me an endangered species?
When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead, but other people do. The same applies when you are stupid.
just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream
Mary, mary quit contrary, watched their garden thrive. The cops found seed of a very odd weed; Now they`s doing three to five.
You can run from your problems. Unless your problem is a cheetah.
Fantasy football is just Dungeons and Dragons for the people who used to beat up the people who played Dungeons and Dragons.
The only way I know if I`ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger
A dirty mind is f*cking beautiful!
Whenever you`re feeling down and in the dumps, just remember...the rest of us have been feeling that way about you too!
Still have my French Maid costume in case any of you have a dirty house. I`ll be happy to sit there and look sexy while your wife cleans....
I give up on life! I have better luck playing Monopoly...or Clue...
You know you’re a mom, when someone says they have a stomach ache and you ask if they pooped today.
My whole life is based on a true story...