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Can`t dance? Spell your name....in the air...with your butt. BOOM! Next problem...
the dude who posted ”MERRY CHRISTMAS“ has still got his head shoved up the turkeys A$$ it seems...
My friends are the type of friends that if my house was on fire, they would be over here with marshmallows and hitting on the hot fireman!
After visiting the gov`t healthcare site, I don`t know why I was so worried about their ability to spy on me...
I`d better check my phone for texts from friends. *checks phone* Well, I`d better get some friends...
If no one from the future comes back to stop you, is it really that bad of an idea?
I don`t mind my long commute, I just hate that it always brings me to work.
Dear whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office – I will track you down. You have my Word.
Weird that we don`t see more pants on fire
I am not judging you...I already decided I don`t like you
Dear Tequila, you were supposed to make me funnier, smarter and a better dancer. I saw the video, we need to talk.
Sorry, just got your text. Are we still on for last night?
Trying to be less negative but it`ll never work.
If you`re crazy and you know it shake your meds...
Sorry I got really drunk and ended up being really mouthy and offensive at your party next week.