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That urge you get to write “No one gives a crap” on someone’s status.
What do you call a woman with big breasts who doesn`t make sandwiches? A compromise.
I`m pretty sure my guardian angel just sits there watching me suffer, while rolling her eyes and painting her nails.
Welcome back to plastic surgery anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces here today.
I order all my food with extra gluten.
Detroit and Chicago seem to be getting it right as of late. Limit all politicians to two terms. One in elected Office and one in prison.
Pretty much always 3-5 seconds away from just laying down wherever I am.
my boss told me to start the presentation with a joke,so I showed my payslip.
I found the "one" today! Surprisingly, It`s been on my keyboard all the time.
My bank lets me send a text message and it´ll text back with my balance. It´s a cool feature but I didn´t think the LOL was necessary.
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much shit to carry.
Hey, how long are you supposed to chase someone after they steal your wallet? Cause I`m getting tired of running and he`s catching up to me.
They call them heated seats because rear defroster was already taken
Currently helping my sister look for her chocolate`s I ate 4hrs ago.
I got food poisoning today. I don`t know when I`ll use it though.