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My dog`s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I`d like it to be.
I always laugh at myself. If I didn´t, everyone else would be having fun without me.
Life is what happens when your cell phone is charging.
How to make a Vodka Christmas cake. . (Made mine this morning!!!!) 1 cup sugar, 1 tsp. baking powder, 1 cup water, 1 tsp. salt , 1 cup brown sugar, Lemon juice, 4 large eggs, Nuts, 1......bottle Vodka, 2 cups dried fruit. Sample a cup of Vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Vodka again to be... sure it is of the highest quality then Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to
Calm down, take a deep breath and hold it for about 20 minutes.
When people start praying before a meal, I close my eyes and imagine how far I could throw a potato if I really put my heart into it.
Congratulations, U.S. Government, you are now officially more embarrassing than Miley Cyrus
Don`t believe everything you think.
There’s always that one person that catches you doing something weird.
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again, if you drive a Nissan but don`t call it Liam then what is even the point of you
This looks like a job for Superman! -unemployed Superman reading the classifieds
Euphoria....the feeling you get when you finally beat "that" level on Candy Crush.
Bike helmets only protect you from looking cool.
I`m great at making pancakes and women uncomfortable.
24 astronauts were born in Ohio.....What is it about that state that makes people want to flee the Earth?