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Wanna know what it`s like being married? Chain yourself to a wild animal. Now kick the animal.
When I want to trim down my friend`s Facebook list I give my opinion and let nature do the rest.
I am currently watching the Holy Grail of horror movies. There are 10 minutes left and the black guy is still alive.
Damn your Hott!...........................Freaking Sun! lmao =P
It’s fun to pull someone’s leg… but don’t ever pull their finger.
When my wife picks a restaraunt that I don’t like, I just say “oh yeah, that’s where that really cute girl works”. Problem solved.
Your shadow is a confirmation that light has traveled nearly 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet thanks to you
You know you`re non-domesticated when the only reason you finally transfer the dishes from the sink to the dishwasher is so you can gain access to the garbage disposal.
The human race is the only one that lets its idiots live a full life...
Yes officer, I know my driving is not 100% perfect, but you have to agree that it is still pretty good for someone who is completely drunk.
If you feel bad because you didn’t do well on a final, just remember someone from your hometown is still trying to become a rapper.
I wouldn`t mind all the penis enlargement emails if they weren`t coming from my wife.
I assume when I get put on hold after I call customer service, it`s because 2 guys are flipping a coin to see who pretends to be the manager.
If pulled over, immediately ask the officer if they`ve been drinking in order to establish dominance.
When I bang my toe against something it`s like I pressed a button that plays all the curse words I know