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Apparently, you can only say "look at you! You got so big!" to children,,, old girlfriends tend to get offended.
Thank God! the women with 3 boobs was a hoax... I just couldn`t wrap my hands around it....
I think the next Star Wars movie should go Country! I would be excited to see Garth Vader.........
Yes, I know why you pulled me over. I didn`t see you in your little hiding spot over there, so I couldn`t slow down in time.
I wake up every morning with the joy & excitement of wanting to go directly back to sleep.
Why do we feel safe under blankets? It`s not like a murderer will come in thinking "I`m gonna ki..- ahh damn! He`s under a blanket
Guy advice #221: Starting a load of laundry in the washing machine and then starting a load in the dryer counts as `2 loads` - just sayin`!
The only exercise I`ve done this month is running out of money
A cop comes up to a man on the street. Cop: Seen anything unusual? Man: A dolphin with a hat once. Cop: I mean around here. Man: No, they live in water.
I`m a compulsive liar. Every thing I say is a lie. And that`s the truth.
I always say, your laundry is never completely done, unless you do it in the nude. Which probably explains the strange looks at the laundrymat this afternoon.
Happy 15th birthday google, 3 more years and you will be able to search for adult sites legally
Facebook is not all about likes and shares. . . Like and share if you agree.
People at airports must not workout much because they are all using these treadmills wrong...
Those "Speed Enforced by Aircraft" signs don`t understand how eager I am to get pulled over by an F-16.