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Size does matter-just ask Pluto.
I did not say you are stupid, I just said that you have bad luck when you`re thinking.
The awkward moment when you set something down for a second and it disappears off the face of the earth.
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like ten so you can choose.
Hope you don`t mind if I make transformer sound effects when we switch positions.
My favorite thing about working out is the part where I decide not to.
I have difficulty sleeping at night because I lay awake obsessing over life`s mysteries, like how exactly does paper beat rock.
I`m tough and can take whatever life throws at me ... Especially if its dipped in chocolate first.
Finally realizing that Hotel California is about Facebook. “…you can check in anytime you like, but you can never leave…”
Why is it called a menstrual calendar and not a flow chart?
That one day of fame on Facebook because it`s your birthday.
The best thing about weed is it teaches you that it`s okay to take 35 minutes to make a sandwich
The only thing I have learned so far in this company meeting is that this room has 37 ceiling tiles and 24 fluorescent bulbs.
NyQuil is great. I love the way it comes with it´s own shot glass
I`m broker than the Tooth Fairy in a house full of Meth addicts.