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Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
Calling someone a drama queen is so negative. Why not "content creator"?
Zombies and I have a lot in common; we both walk around aimlessly looking for something to eat.
Life is like a box of chocolates. Get your own and stay the hell out of mine.
If you`re married and having trouble, ask "what would Jesus do?" then remember that jesus was never married.
Some people just lack the ability to realize that everyone in the room wants them to shut up.
Nobody cares what you`re gonna do in 2015. Now post some nudes.
A Slinky is a great way to teach young children that it`s fun to push things down the stairs.
What I lack in good decisions, I make up for in inappropriate behavior.
Due to an unforeseen error during last night`s love making session I am forced to wear non matching socks today
Trying to untwist a twizzler is a real b*tch and this gas station cashier yelling at me isn`t helping.
Whenever somebody said they did something "Like a Boss" I assume that they did nothing but took all the credit for it.
Its better to have loved and lost, then stay with that psyco for one more sec
This coworker is about to find out walking around smiling on a Monday always leads to workplace accidents.
Ugh... Seriously? If I get ONE more sexual advance on facebook, that will be.. like... a first.