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I can`t wait for the day when my kids are old enough that I can drink with them and not because of them.
My wife complained that I never lifted a finger to help around the house. So I lifted a finger. Apparently, it was the wrong one.
In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on
I don`t care what people think of me. It can`t be half as bad as what I think of them...
Apparently there is no age limit on ignorance.
If I`m guilty of anything, it`s loving too much. And several outstanding speeding tickets. But mostly loving too much.
You can make up any word you want in conversation and if you use it in a dilsationary way, people rarely question the meaning.
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, "neighborhood watch" isn`t what I thought it was.
The first rule of the OCD Club is to have a second rule so there is an even number of rules.
Be careful on how tough you are on your kids....Strict parents create sneaky children.
Top three reasons he doesn`t text you back: 1. He`s just not that into you 2. He`s imaginary 3. He`s a cat
I`ll tell you what`s wrong with modern society. Nobody ever drinks out of the skulls of their enemies anymore.
take it easy and if it is easy take it home
I bet the Fantastic 4 were just pretending to have a girl in the group. "Uh yeah she`s just invisible right now. She`s totally real though."
I think girls secretly enjoy putting guys in the friend zone