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I like to finish all of my drive thru orders with, "And that`s for here."
The closer you are to the toilet, the harder it is to hold it in.
Sometimes I meow back at cats.
Do you ever get the feeling that you`re being watched? Because if it`s bothering you, I`ll stop.
I get more excited seeing my luggage on a baggage carousel than I do seeing a person I know.
What idiot called it Adderall instead of Accomplish Mints?
I`m done chasing people who aren`t willing to do the same for me. After today, the ice cream man can go f*ck himself!!
Sad Fact- Boobie traps seldom involve boobies.
2015 and still no thieves interested in my identity.
No, I would not like to join your exclusive membership rewards club. Iām buying a sandwich.
Instead of sending people to jail, we should just make them eat the stringy things off bananas..
I`m at the age where if someone says "Go big or go home," I`m usually fine with going home.
I would know if I was insane, the voices would tell me.
Maybe don`t show me a picture if you don`t want me to rate your baby.
When there is nothing to do ... That`s what I do