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I send more time looking for porn than actually watching it.
If you can`t remember my name, just say `donuts`. I`ll definitely turn around and look.
The word “fireplace” really reveals the creativity of our ancestors
Does anyone know when is the cut-off date to stop wishing someone Happy New Years?
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I’m not the only one asking google stupid questions.
If I could bring one dead person back to life I`d bring back Walk Disney. Just to show him the shows on Disney channel and see his reaction..
It`s ok, ghosts, no-one believes in me either.
Not to interrupt your story, but do you have a completely different and possibly shorter story?
Two wrongs may not make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.
The only difference between Black Friday and a zombie apocalypse is that zombies don`t care if you get the last iPad Mini.
I like to stand 20 ft in front of the Walmart greeter and greet people before he gets a chance.
I wasn`t born with enough middle fingers to show you how I really feel about you!
I`ll bet whoever said "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" had just farted
Pretty sure one of my ex-girlfriends added the, "are you still listening?" feature on Pandora.
One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions.