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I`m still waiting for that fairly tale scene where the animals clean everything for me.
I get carried away sometimes… Usually because I refuse to leave.
I just ran 3.5 miles in 30 minutes! Ha! Just kidding, I ate some ice cream.
A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.
When it comes to bug protection, you just can`t beat "OFF!".
True love doesn`t care about the look or size of your wallet, it`s all about what`s inside ..... the wallet.
We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours. They seem like nice people.
Hey, if it doesn`t work out, we can still be friends. Said no guy ever
Whoever figured out the `days of the month correspond with your knuckles` thing had too much time on their hands
Last week a 13-year-old girl became the youngest female to climb Mount Everest. She didn’t mean to. She was just texting her friend and the next thing she knew she was on top of Mount Everest.
When I get bored I go to a car dealership and ask the salesman to lay in the trunk so I can "see how many I`ll be able to fit"
I`d stop disappointing you, if you stopped expecting me to do stuff.
I want to take this moment to thank the depends adult diaper company for allowing me to play my video game for a strait 8 hours uninterupted...
People who really love their jobs are annoying. Keep that sh!t to yourself.
You know you`re drunk when you sit down on the toilet & try to put your seatbelt on