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I’m shy at first, but once I’m comfortable with you get ready for some crazy sh!t.
Got kicked out of the hospital. Apparently the “head nurse” is just the one in charge of the other nurses.
State of mind is in no mind to state its state of mind.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I can not change.
Okay so the pregnant woman in the library didn`t get my `overdue` joke.
Oh, you think you have relationship problems? Try separating me from my bed in the morning...
Respect your elders. They made it through school without Google and Wikipedia.
Amnesia sounds so relaxing.
The last time I saw something as ugly as your face I pinned a tail on it.
Did you know you have the right to remain silent even when you`re not being arrested?
Always end a conversation with "gotta run" so people think you`re into fitness
My car rides usually consist of playing my music on random, then pressing “next” about 400 times.
The only charities I`ve donated money too recently are covered in glitter and dance to bad music.
Not clicking like on this status makes your a$$ look fat.
I wish the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial would ride his motorcycle through my town.