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I get in this weird mood where I don`t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood `Awake`
If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN
You can’t call them “love handles” if nobody loves you
That awkward moment when you realize this year is just going to be filled with morons talking about the end of the world the whole time.
Your day sucked, huh? I`m sure Facebook would love to hear about it.
I never owned a telescope, but it`s something that I`m thinking of looking into.
I`m having trouble telling if it`s killing me or making me stronger
If your wife has 2 phones, save both numbers under one name : “Wife” Never save them as "Wife1" and “Wife2" ~ a husband from the hospital
Why am I always right but people still ignore me...?
Whenever I give money to the homeless, I get yelled at that "they are just gonna buy booze with it". All I can think is ... Oh like I wasn`t ..
Jack daniel was found dead by johnie walker at castle strt under savanna tree,captain morgan believed dat he was killed by strongbow.his 4cuzns said that he was best in j&b club at knights...
If a girl picks an iron in monopoly you know she`s a keeper
Facebook should have a limit on times you can update your relationship status, after 3 it should default to "unstable".
If it weren`t for marriage,,, men would spend their lives thinking they had no faults at all.
So today my gym was crowded...at least I think it was a gym...Do gyms usually have drive thrus?