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If you just got invited to do something on New Year`s Eve, it means someone else cancelled.
I know a lot of women who should substitute their lipstick with glue sticks.
I got on-line to check the weather...That was 12 years ago.
Money can`t buy you happiness, but it does give you the ability to rent it until you die.
Halfway through singing a romantic ballad to my cat, it occurred to me that I`m going to die alone.
Timeouts just give children a quiet place to plot your murder.
I used to wonder what it was like to read people’s minds. Then I got a Facebook account and I got over it.
I`ll decide whether it`s a compliment or sexual harassment.
Unless you fell off the treadmill and smashed your face, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
Relationships, Marriages, work and children are what keep alcohol companies in business.
It`s gonna be hotter than Billy Ray Cyrus after watching his daughters performance on the VMA`s tomorrow!
Someone offered me grapes, but I declined. I`m not used to consuming wine in pill form.
When you turn 21, you can legally do all the things you`ve been doing since you were 15.
I just saw a disclaimer that said "don`t try this at home", so I tried it at my neighbors house.
I wonder if New York people find it weird to watch their own city being destroyed in Hollywood movies so many times..!!