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Crap, summer is here and I`m nowhere near in drinking shape yet.
I think the tie was invented by someone who wanted to express how he felt about work but thought an actual noose was too obvious.
I show my age when I`m in a club with all the 20 somethings.. Guess its because the last dance step I mastered was dancing like Gene Gene The Dancing Machine
If cartoons are a reliable guide, the secret to never aging is wearing the same clothes every day.
I wish I had my own private chauffeur. . . . Then I could really commit to being an alcoholic!
If you`re behind someone at the ATM late at night, let them know you`re not a threat by giving them a gentle kiss on their neck.
May have put up a few too many Christmas lights. A 747 just landed in the backyard.
True Story: People will believe you when start a story saying "True story"
Sure thing.... follow me... I`ll show you the fastest way to get to nowhere.
I just saw a 3D printer at the UPS store. It`s kind of cool, but I won`t be impressed until it can print snacks...
I don`t have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it.
Who can really hear themselves thinking?
That tenth doctor is a selfish idiot, he never recommends anything!
Since joining Facebook, about 8 aggressive lampposts have walked up to me in the street and punched me in the face.
You`re such a slut, the only reason why you wear panties is to keep your ankles warm.