Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Muffins – for people who don’t have the guts to order cake for breakfast.
PESSIMIST: Dark tunnel. OPTIMIST: Light at the end of the tunnel. REALIST: A train. TRAIN OPERATOR: 3 idiots standing on the tracks.
The sight of naked cleavage reduces a man`s ability to reason by 50% ... Per boob.
How do you know if your girlfriend is getting fat?...She fits into your wife`s clothes.
All my life I`ve wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
My doctor wrote me a prescription for dailysex but my girlfriend insists it says dyslexia.
You know what`s beautiful? Read the first word again.
I`m gonna hang a Batman costume in my closet just to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer`s.
In order to get my teenagers attention I shut off the WiFi router and wait for them in the room it`s in.
When people tell me knock knock jokes, I pretend I`m not home.
I hate to be one of those who post cliffhangers but...
I never thought I`d be the kind of person who`d wake up early in the morning to exercise ... And I was right.
I tried sniffing coke once but the ice cubes kept getting sucked in my nose!
If you`re in WalMart and you`re holding in a fart, just remember, YOU`RE IN WALMART!!
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, when I tell people about my accomplishments, they always say, "Big deal."