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I`m not sure if life is passing me by or trying to run me over.
If we learned anything from the Mayans, it’s that if you don’t finish something, it’s not the end of the world
Its that time of year to find out what your friends with pools have been up to since last year.
Note to self: Next time, don`t use "continue" as the Safe Word.
Ever seen a person so disgusting you hold your breath when you walk by them? Yea I have.
Friday is like a superhero that always arrives just in time to prevent me from savagely beating my coworkers with a keyboard.
When I`m bored, I dress up as Waldo, walk up to strangers (in a crowded airport), and say "psssst... if ANYBODY asks......YOU ain`t seen me... capiche?"
Today’s Horoscope: You’re gullible
I wonder if dogs ever wake up in the morning and think "dear god please don`t take me jogging with you today"?
(Apocalyptic world) "Well guys......there goes our last female"
It was so cold that when we milk the cows we got ice cream.
My baby girl is so polite. I told her she needed to share and she said "No, thank you"
Twerking is the crocs of dancing.
We’ll be friends until we’re old and senile. Then we’ll be new friends all over again.
So red or white wine with hamburger helper?