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Was sitting and doing nothing. Then I realized I could be sitting and doing nothing on Facebook. So here I am.
Jerry: Tom, you are a genius!.. Tom: Yeah, I am called that a lot... Jerry: What? Genius?... Tom: No, `Tom`
"No comment" - said no woman, ever
Unless its inappropriately, don`t f*cking touch me.
The problem with working from home is the absence of sexual harassment.
How do I tell a man he loves me?
Some of the best decisions I`ve ever made involved me clicking cancel instead of send
The Fourth of July was an annual reminder of how useless my dog would be in a war.?
I hate how after an argument I think of really clever stuff I should have said.
Everyone, please... a moment of silence for all my married friends who have a shared Facebook account.
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything... Well, my phone number for a start.
I wish I could forget you as easy as I forget my passwords.
Just started a new exercise program where I put on a gorilla mask and chase a random toddler through Costco.
I sometimes get road rage just pushing a shopping cart though a grocery store!
If you`re ever worried there`s an intruder in your house, shout 69 down the stairs. If no one laughs, there`s no one there