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I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible. But pissing off everyone is fun and easy.
I´m the kind of person that when my feet hit the ground each morning the devil says, "OH CRAP, HE´S UP"!
I like it like that
I slammed the car door on my fingers this afternoon. In related news, there`s an 83% chance that my nephew just added "Mother*ucker" to his vocabulary.
You have a point. It`s just not very sharp
You are wasting your time reading this status.
"Do not touch" must be one of the scariest things to read in braille
I would leave my house a LOT more if I could take the couch with me and wear my pajamas.
I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar.
Did you ever stop to think that maybe vodka is addicted to ME?
I can`t wait to be rich so I can price things from high to low instead of low to high when shopping online.
Relationships, Marriages, work and children are what keep alcohol companies in business.
Getting drunk and listening to loud music solves 87% of all life`s problems
Him: What to play Trivial Pursuit? Her: Sure, But I,m not that smart. Him: What to play strip Trivial Pursuit?
Walmart does not have a dildo section. But it`s always fun to ask their employees if they do.