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The guy that discovered milk...What was he doing to that cow?
Wow!!, What a day..I volunteered at a soup kitchen, mowed my lawn, went to 2 Birthday parties, ran 6 miles, then told a bunch of lies on Facebook.
If I cover my phone at work with Preparation H, would it filter out the `pains in the butts` from calling?
Do women who complain about never getting laid know about men?
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
I`m not above slashing my own tires to avoid going to this family brunch.
What kind of wine goes best with laundry?
I should never have climbed into this vat of curdled milk. I`m in whey over my head.
drink beer ?? save water
Woke up to gun shots this morning. Luckily my wife has horrible aim.
This company doesn`t know how much of an asset I am.. Or an ass-sit. They really should pay more attention.
Cop cars should play the jaws theme song
Tupperware is so handy for those times when you feel like throwing out your food another day.
If you want to call a family meeting just turn off the wifi router and wait in the room in which it is located
Has anybody seen my keys? they`re awesome.