Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`ve gotten to that age where nothing fits right anymore. Even my birthday suit looks like it needs ironing...
A good office manager never let`s you run out of ink, paper or vodka
I`m starting to think the Hangover Fairy and the Angel of Death are the same person.
I thought I was having déjà vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.
I try and avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they`re in the middle of a race.
I really don`t have time for people that don`t find me hilarious.
Life is like a box of chocolates. Get your own and stay the hell out of mine.
For you men who think a woman’s place is in the kitchen, remember… that’s where the knives are kept.
If God is a woman then how do you explain: 1) Spiders 2) Shoes you can`t afford 3) Periods 4) Men
If it defies all logic, and makes very little sense then it was probably my idea...
It`s Sunday or as I like to call it, "No pants day".
Dear Car driving 40mph on the highway this morning. It`s only a 1/4“ of snow plus you have a "Jesus Fish" on your bumper. You`ll be just fine.
You might call it lazy ... I call it selective participation.
I need to find a woman that loves me for my money....but doesn`t understand math. (<>..,<>)
Every time I make plans to eat better I can hear my stomach laughing