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Ever since I heard that women have one breast bigger than the other, it`s given me another reason to stare.
Knowing sign language is a handy skill when it comes to identifying schizophrenics at famous people`s funerals.
Sign: "No alcohol past this point." Translation: Bet you can`t chug this entire beer, right now.
Whenever I`m out somewhere there is a 99% chance I am thinking about going home and sleeping.
There`s always cake to celebrate happy moments, but I really think cake would do better during the bad times. Got fired? Have a cake.
Ladies and Gentleman, I’ve traveled a long way, crossed many bridges, fought my way through countless obstacles, all to bring you this one sad truth about life. There’s never enough beer.
Guys, if she says she`s crazy, she`s harmless. The real crazy ones never give you a damn clue.
Be thankful for Facebook, the way gas prices are headed we may never actually see each other again.
If I had a dollar for every time I had a nickel.......
If sex between 3 people is called a Threesome and sex between 2 people is called a Twosome... Why is Handsome still a compliment?
I wonder if New York people find it weird to watch their own city being destroyed in Hollywood movies so many times..!!
Don`t send me a ;) face and then wonder why I show up at your house naked.
Fact: You wish Facebook had the middle finger button.
I think I may have misunderstood my boss yesterday when she told me that she wanted to see me hard at work
My mum`s so old fashioned she thinks LOL = Lots of love. She sent me an SMS saying just to let you know you`re Pa`s in hospital LOL.