Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
People who don`t know what they want should not use the drive thru!
One day when I was at the beach there was a guy in the ocean yelling, "Shark! Help!" And I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn`t going to help him.
"Grow a pear." - How to insult an apple tree.
JOKE OF THE YEAR: Two women were sitting quietly together, minding their own business.
Should all acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind, should all acquaintance be forgot and somebody refill my wine.
My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell, well he actually told me to eat "less McDonalds" but I`m pretty sure I know what he meant.
People who say watching golf on TV is boring have obviously never listened to golf on the radio
I liked you better before we met.
We can put laser-equipped robots on Mars, but wrinkled dollar bills still don’t work in vending machines?
Time to get Star Spangled hammered. Happy 4th you crazy Americans.
I just got this sudden urge to do something productive. Wait nope, false alarm.
I was trying to have a mature arguement but "look, you ignorant f*cktard" just popped out
I don’t let my friends do stupid things… ALONE!
Whenever you can`t think of anything to say in therapy just go with, "I`ve been thinking about killing you."
I may be asking too much of this coffee.