Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You look happy. Let me see what I can do about that. - Life.
Girls become instant best friends when they find out they hate the same people.
I have many talents, but giving an f*ck isn’t one of them
Always remember to speak clearly when complimenting a woman`s boots...
I`ve been hiding from exercise. I`m in the fitness protection program.
Its hotter than a three peckered billy goat!
I hope to get to the point in my life where I’m not excited about finding change on the ground.
To the woman with six screaming kids in Walmart, if you wonder how those condoms got in your cart, you’re welcome.
My girlfriend left a note on the fridge, "It`s not working. I cant take it anymore, I`m going to moms" I opened the fridge, the light came on, the beer was cold, WTF is she talking about?
Whenever someone asks me to sign their cast, I always write: `last warning, you have a week to get the money together.`
I know its true love when I like you even when I`m sober.
Don`t be sad, laundry. Nobody is doing me either.
Offering a hobo $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
The correct term for gluten-free, sugarless, vegan brownies is "compost."
People hate facing the truth. Luckily the truth doesn`t give a sh*t.