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I try to avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they are in the middle of a race.
Just put my money where my mouth is. Pennies taste disgusting.
I just noticed me saying "LOL" everytime I`m laughing = facebook addict...lmao :)
I`d hate to be a dragon .....I`d get so pissed tryin to blow out my birthday candles.
My mind is exceptionally quiet.... I am suspicious that I am up to something I don`t want myself to know about.
What`s the nutritional value of an entire tube of cherry Chapstick? Asking for my two year old.
Even this posting will offend some people, hopefully.
When a man says he`ll do anything for a woman, he means slaying dragons, killing zombies and rescuing her from castle towers. IT DOES NOT MEAN cleaning garage, fixing roof and cleaning out the basement!
I was so angry when I found my wife’s profile on a dating website. That lying b!tch isn’t “fun to be around.”
If you`re really really quiet, you can hear yourself doing the world a favor.
feels guilty for not spending more time with my kids. I should really get them a Facebook account.
A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early if you ask me.
Just got nominated for an Oscar for my role as "man surprised his credit card was declined"
I mean, I don`t even call it a hangover anymore. It`s just morning.
My IQ? ... With google or without?