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Why are people sad when potatoes can be cooked in like 200 ways?
LOOK A UFO! Quick, grab the worst camera money can buy.
Guess what`s brown and sticky... a stick.
Have you ever partied so hard that you feel like you may have damaged your DNA?
A touching letter by a little girl to Santa on Christmas: Dear Santa, Please give clothes to all those poor ladies in daddy`s laptop
LADIES: Not all men get into a relationship just for sex. Some just need a personal chef.
“FREEZE! NOBODY MOVE!” – Mother Nature
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and they live for 150 years. Lesson learned.
My grandpa has Alzheimer`s, so I just keep telling him he owes me twenty bucks.
I enjoy short walks to the fridge
If you have to guess what a commercial is selling, it`s always perfume.
I hate brushing my teeth at night because that signifies that you cant have anymore food and im just never ready for that kind of commitment
When people see ghosts, why aren`t they naked? Do clothes die and become ghosts too?
I`m glad the Eclipse is over so I can go back to staring directly into the sun.
We could learn a lot from bees. Organization, productivity, community sacrifice, stinging people who annoy us.......