Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I think I`m gonna shave my legs so that there`s less wind resistance when I run to the fridge for a beer.
Put that down you fat piece of sh!t` - the title of the dieting book I`m writing.
I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. ..Especially since I walked there. :)
Porn is so unrealistic. There`s no way a guy with a ponytail could have a house that nice.
Waitress: "Hi, my nam-" Me: "Vodka martini, please."
You know that you have eaten way too much junk food when you start actually craving something healthy.
Hitting the snooze button is like hitting the “Next Episode” button on Netflix… it’s going to happen at least 3 times.
This idiot from Apple reckons that the "Temperature, iPhone needs to cool down" warning message has nothing to do with all my hot selfies
wassup pips! :-) no i don`t mean you guys pip, get it? piping?? haaahaaa... looks like i`m the only one laughing right? well it sounded funnier in my head (-_-)
I thought I was feeling a little bloated today, turns out I had my underwear on backwards.
The hardest part about going through a divorce is finding a hitman you can trust.
Jack and Jill Went up the hill To have a little fun. Jill, the dill, Forgot her pill, And now they have a son.
Procrastinators Unite!! ... tomorrow.
Thinking of opening a bar right next to a gym and call it “Decisions, Decisions”.
i havnt seen any status`s about ninjas lately.... well played ninjas