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Monica & Chandler’s twins would be 9 this year, Pheobe’s triplets 14, Ben 18, and Emma 11. Let’s just take a moment to let that sink in.
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible. But pissing off everyone is fun and easy.
i dont normally have a cool facebook status, but when i do, an older relative spoils it with a lame comment.
I fell off the wagon because I was too drunk to keep my balance
Patience is not about how long you can wait, but how well you behave while waiting.
The length of a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you´re on.
I just stepped on a cornfkake does that make me a cereal killer ?
I`m afraid of a world run by adults who were never spanked as kids and got trophies just for participating.
Nothing says I have faith in God like the bullet proof glass on the Pope`s car.
PMS = Prepare to Meet Satan.
My status would be a lot funnier if you could see my back-up dancers.
I farted in the apple store and everyone got pissed, not my fault they dont have windows ...
Saw a chameleon today, so I`m assuming it wasn`t a very good one.
How long do I have to lay on the couch in the same position before I can call it "yoga"?
Some days it´s not worth chewing through the straps.