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Why go out and pretend to like people when you have Netflix?
Remember the days when water was free and you had to pay for porn?
If you see anything posted from me that involves something normal or appropriate, it is not me. I believe I`ve been hacked.
Scott Baio is not a part of the Presidential transition team. I’m really disappointed that Charles is not in Charge of anything.
Shout out to all the kids who could never find their name on souvenir keychains and license plates. That sh!t hurt.
The Great Wall of China has brought more foreigners than it has kept out.
Can we just stop with the pre-sliced cheese? Is anyone so busy that they don’t have time to cut the cheese?
Every so often I’ll listen to my wife talk non stop for hours at a time, to remind myself why people wander into traffic without looking.
Does anyone actually know what you have to do when people are singing Happy Birthday to you.
It`s hard to take life serious once you realize people jamming their genitals in each others mouths is considered a sign of affection.
Where there`s a will I want to be in it
Hey ladies who complain about falling in when we leave the toilet seat up; how about you first check if the runway is there before you bring the plane down.
is confused. Oh wait, maybe not.
A real man should never wave faster than he says the word “hey”
I´m really bored but too lazy to do anything about it.