Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you just got invited to do something on New Year`s Eve, it means someone else cancelled.
Things are finally looking up for me. This Victoria`s Secret catalog just told me this is going to be "your sexiest year ever."
Jack Frost go away, come again another day. I need some sun, I need some sand, I need an island & a band. I`m bored with you & tired of the cold, so go away your getting old. Bring on the sun at one hundred degrees, some coconut oil & pina coladas please
I am creating the first ever "flavored windows". They should make some of you very happy.
if you hold a dinner fork really close to your eyes, you can pretend that they`re in jail
No matter what the product, a good way to throw off an aggressive salesman is to interrupt him and ask, “Yes, but does it work on cats?”
Dropping a can of soda and sticking it back in the fridge all shaken up for the next person to open is not as funny when you live by yourself.
Dating should be like buying a car. You should get to talk to the previous owners... SHOW ME THE MANFAX!!
Roasting marshmallows is great because it combines dessert and playing with fire.
Life is like “Facebook” – People will like your problems & comment; But no one will solve them because everyone is busy updating theirs.
I was going to do stand up comedy years ago but then I thought ...Ugghhh, standing...
The key to a successful relationship: Tools > Internet Options > Clear history.
Cheers to alcohol! The cause of, and solution, to all of life’s problems!
If guys had periods, they´d brag about the size of their tampons.
I saw Tom Hanks and asked for his autograph. He abbreviated it, and it just said "Thanks"