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not to brag but I finished this 14 day diet in 3 hours and 38 minutes.
Nothing says you`re ugly like Facebook asking, "are you sure you want to make this your profile picture ?"
I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it.
Men are like dogs. We’re excited to see you and have no clue what you’re mad about.
Modern video games are giving kids unrealistic standards of how many swords they can carry at one time.
Remember when double entry was an accounting term?
I just dusted and mopped the house like 3 months ago and it’s dirty again. This is bullsh!t.
Tomorrow, history will be made. Months and months of advertisements and anticipation has led up to this historic day. America will see firsthand what is surely to be a historic event, and I am proud to say I will do my part and pick up my copy of Halo 4.
We could learn a lot from our dogs.... If you can`t eat it or play with it, then pee on it and walk away
often rambles on and on about this and that seeming to be heading towards a point but really just blabbing about nothing.
Women say they love nerds until you whip out your Pokemon cards.
If you have a mirror handy, kindly gaze into it and you will find your problem
In the interest of improving the workplace, my company has put up signs that say: CAUTION. OPEN DOORS SLOWLY ... My best time so far is 7 min.
Never look directly at the people having a sizzling plate of fajitas delivered to their table... It’s what they want.
Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes.