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I asked my girlfriend if she was ok with me buying her a ring. She said "nothing would make me happier!" So I got her nothing.
I don`t "get lost". I find creative ways to get places I didnt know I wanted to go.
Hold that pose. My camera is ringing.
Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics.
Your shadow: What happens when light travels 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet by you.
No one`s going to do it for you. It`s up to you, to make naps a priority in your life.
I wish conversations were like user agreements, where I could skip to the end and just agree.
Idiots are fun, no wonder every village wants one.
You`ll notice you never see sweatpants with "Classy" written across the butt.
Sometimes I buy huge pants and take a picture of myself holding them up just to feel like I lost a ton of weight.
Roasted beef is like regular beef except the cows family tells embarrassing stories about it, which are tough and tasteless.
No need to blind fold me, just hand me my phone and drive, I won`t have a clue how to get back here
The only benefit of getting new clothes for Christmas is that I don`t have to do laundry for another week or two.
Hey you! Yea you ... Don`t just pass by my status and not say hi.
Subway only exists because we`re all too damn lazy to throw a sandwich together. "Could you lay meat on that bread for me? Here`s $8."