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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
Sometimes I’ll catch my reflection in a mirror and I’ll be like, “oh no, that can’t be right.”
My nephew asked me what marriage was like. So I gave him a candy bar and told him not to eat it.
If you like someone, pretend they`re a charger and you`re an iPhone on 1%. Run to them. Grab them. Plug them in. Wait, I lost the metaphor.
Damn your Hott!...........................Freaking Sun! lmao =P
Relax… We’re all crazy.. It’s not a competition.
Time to get out of bed and worry from another location.
What idiot decided to call them marijuana dispensaries and not grass stations?
I`m sorry baby, but me & you are not going to work out. We are going to watch tv.
Sometimes there just aren’t enough curse words.
If the people in horror movies would just listen to me, they would still be alive!
Rick Ross be rapping about cars he can`t even fit in.
Maybe if I tilt my head to the side I can understand English – dogs
Recent survey asked people in the U.S if there are too many immigrants: 17% said yes, 83% said Lo siento, no hablan Inglés
Ahh..Monday, so we meet again ... You dirty bitch!!