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Being an adult is mainly drinking coffee and pretending to be productive.
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
There´s a thin line between "I should do a status update about that" and "I should talk to a therapist about that"
My friends are the type of friends that if my house was on fire, they would be over here with marshmallows and hitting on the hot fireman!
Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they looked.
There are other things in life besides sex and alcohol. Those other things all suck, but they do exist, I assume.
"I can`t believe it`s not clutter." ~ A recovering hoarder
For lent I`m giving up sex, wait I`m not Catholic. Whoa, that was close
I`m so broke right now if anybody robbed me they`d just be practicing
I`m no super genius, but I bet the most effective way to lose "baby weight" is to have the baby.
I wonder how many people die each year as a result of lifeguards running in slow motion.
You know I feel the frustration that The Skipper endured because there are days that I too am surrounded by Gilligans
Chaos, panic and disorder. My work here is done.
I once met a guy who was addicted to huffing brake fluid. He said he could stop any time.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!